Why my disability isn’t the only thing that defines me

I’ve spoken on here a number of times about disability and identity. It’s a theme that makes its way into the words that are published here rather frequently. I even dedicated an entire blog post on the topic back in 2018. Since that was a long time ago now, I thought it was about time we try and unravel the tangled concept of disability and identity once again.

It probably won’t surprise you that I have many, many thoughts. Keeping it to one blog post has been a challenge.

I wouldn’t say that my feelings surrounding disability and identity have changed much since that initial blog post back in 2018. What has changed is the certainty. I now feel rooted in how my disability defines me, and how it doesn’t. I feel a sense of comfort in that.

For years, I didn’t want to be blind.

I hid it in every way I knew. Playing down my needs, avoiding talking about it and resisting leaning into the pride and acceptance. I didn’t want to let my disability define me.

I wanted to overcome my blindness. Now, I hate how I used to think that way.

 

Younger Holly believed that disability and success weren’t interlinked. She was conditioned to think that if she worked hard enough and tried to blend in, people wouldn’t see her blindness. Of course, that didn’t happen.

That mindset was shaped from the perception of society, and the lack of disability representation. Disability was framed as something tragic. The minimal disability representation was cluttered with messages of inspiration and pity.

If younger Holly could see present Holly, she wouldn’t believe her eyes. If only she knew about the social model of disability back then.

Learning about the social model shifted everything. I went from believing that me and my disability were the problem, to realising that the barriers in society are the problem.

I went from survival to revival.

Ever since then, I’ve been on a journey of pride.

Proud of being disabled.

Proud of being an advocate, both for myself and for others.

Proud of speaking up.

Proud of working as a Social Media Manager in a world that’s so often seen to be inaccessible.

Proud to be me.

 

Yet, even with that sense of pride bubbling away, I find myself returning to the truth:

My disability isn’t the only thing that defines me.

That truth may make people feel uncomfortable.

What I’d say to them, is the pride and sense of fitting in don’t have to fight each other.

My vision impairment shapes my life and has defined aspects of me. Accessibility is a constant in everything I do.

It shapes my work and advocacy which are both rooted in my lived experience.

 

There’s another page. One that’s rarely turned over.

It doesn’t consume my entire identity.

I’m a daughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend.

I love women’s football and pop music.

I’m a bit of a bookworm.

I love being disabled. I also love the strands of my life that are separate to my disability.

There’s not a day that goes by without me talking about my disability in one way or another. Whether it’s online, when I’m out and about with my cane or when I have to fight for equal access and accessibility. Sometimes it’s a choice. Sometimes it isn’t.

It’s surely only natural that I want to step away from it sometimes. That I want to immerse myself in the parts of my life that aren’t defined by accessibility.

Those are what give me clarity. They provide me with the relief when the inaccessible world weighs heavy.

Honestly, I’ve needed that clarity more than ever over the past few months.

I’ve been reminded that I don’t have to run from my non-disabled identity. I don’t need to feel guilty for it either.

I’ve found myself leaning towards my non-disability related interests recently. And it’s been liberating. It’s given me the encouragement to fight the inaccessibility I find myself up against a lot at the moment.

So much of the work I do is centred around my disability. And I love it, I really do.

My everyday experiences are dictated by accessibility.

I need to take a step back every now and then.

There are moments where I don’t want my blindness to be the factor that’s at play. Sometimes, I need to put my other hat on.

It’s powerful to exist in a space where your identity isn’t defined by a single trait.

There are moments where I don’t want my vision impairment to be the defining ingredient. I want to be seen as Holly. Because even though I love being blind and wouldn’t change it, I am so much more than my disability.

I don’t enjoy my hobbies because I’m blind. I enjoy them because they’re part of me. They fill my cup. Them, along with my vision impairment, make me the person I am.

 

There’s so many facets of disability. Disabled people have multidimensional lives.

When your identity is often framed by attitudes and barriers, you convince yourself that everything must tie back to them. When it doesn’t, you feel like you must be doing something wrong.

For anyone feeling that way, stop and read this sentence. Re-read it if you need to.

Your disability isn’t the only thing that defines you.

I know it feels like it is sometimes.

I’ve experienced every side of the triangle: resisting being defined by my disability, feeling like my disability is the only thing that defines me, and the final piece – being defined by my disability and every other dimension that makes me who I am.

That’s the side that feels right.

The journey hasn’t been about how much my disability defines me. It’s been a world of discovering who I am and who I want to be. It’s been about finding the elements that go alongside that definition. It’s the realisation that every single piece doesn’t contradict each other. They all add up, equalling one human being, one identity.

The part that goes untold is that they strengthen one another.

 

The concept of disability and identity will likely always be an evolving topic.

Despite that, I know that one part will remain: there’s far more beyond the surface than what you might think.

I will always be more than my disability, and it will never be the only thing that defines me.

Identity is about being the person you are, disability and interests combined.

 

Where do you sit on the disability and identity scale? I’d love to hear your take in the comments.

 

Holly x