A letter to my vision impairment

I have to admit, this blog post has been a long time in the making – but I think I’ve managed to piece it all together.

I found the process of writing this letter quite cathartic, and it has given me time to reflect on my vision impairment journey. As it has taken me quite a while to write this, I’m hoping I’ve done it justice.

Here we go…

 

A letter to my vision impairment

Dear vision impairment,

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. You first made an appearance not long after I had been born, plunging my family into the world of vision impairment, something that was very much the unknown for them.

Being born prematurely (at 24 weeks to be exact) led to a diagnosis of Retinopathy of Prematurity. From then on, you have been a part of my life, and that will never change.

We’ve been on quite a journey together. It’s been a wild ride, hasn’t it?

I’ve felt many feelings towards you; you’ve left me feeling confused and frustrated at times. But for the most part, you make me happy, and give me a sense of defiance and determination. It hasn’t been easy though, we’ve been faced with many challenges which is still the case today. I’m now much better equip to deal with those challenges, they’re a bit like second nature.

Looking back, I have to admit, we’ve come a long way. I’m no longer searching for the positives or fighting for acceptance. I no longer wish that I could be like everyone else. I don’t ask myself why my differences set me apart from everyone else. I stand tall and shine because I’m proud of how you make me different. Who wants to conform to the mould of society anyway?

I embrace every aspect of you, even the parts I used to hate. Those aspects have helped me get to where I am today.

I accept you. In fact, I actually rather like you. I wouldn’t have things any other way now. I don’t dwell on what things could have been like if you weren’t around, instead I focus on the joy you bring to my life.

I can’t lie, I do wonder what my life would be like if you weren’t around, I never let the curiosity take over though. I’m happy that you’re here and that you are making your mark on my life. I don’t wish things were different, nor do I wake up every day wishing there was a cure for you.

 

You’re forever present; making yourself known in everything I do, often shaping and dictating various aspects of my life. Don’t get me wrong, you add an element of frustration at times, such as when something isn’t accessible, or when it feels like I have to jump through several hoops to access something so simple. Dare I say it, you certainly make life more interesting. You keep me on my toes, that’s for sure.

We’ve come to form a unique bond, one that’s unbreakable. We’re stronger than ever.

A few years ago, we weren’t exactly the best of friends. Look where we are now. As time went on, I began to realise that you were alright, and I’d say that our bond became one of love and friendship. Looking back, it’s interesting how the tables turned, I’m so glad they did.

You’ve been the source of some incredible opportunities, many of which I never thought would be possible. You were the catalyst behind this blog, if you weren’t part of my life then ‘Life of a Blind Girl’ wouldn’t have been created. An array of opportunities have stemmed from this little corner of the internet. I still have to pinch myself when I think about the accolades and opportunities I’ve gained through being a voice of the disabled community. I’ve gone from a quiet, not very confident teenager who wouldn’t really talk about her disability unless she had to, to someone who’s not scared of sharing the reality and talking openly about their vision impairment.

You have given me the opportunity to share my story and help other blind and vision impaired people. I can’t thank you enough for that. It’s one of the reasons I’ll forever be grateful for you and the impact you have had on my life. Being able to share my story and help others along the way is one of my favourite things about you, it fills me with pride.

I can’t forget the friendships that you have helped me form. You have enabled me to build connections with some fantastic disability advocates and all-round brilliant people. You have introduced me to some of my closest friends and helped incredible friendships blossom.

 

Digging deeper, you’ve brought out the resilience, defiance and determination within me. You have helped me find an inner strength I never knew I had on more than one occasion. You have encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone. You have told me to try new things and push myself beyond my limits.

You have helped shape my career path, navigating me down a road that I don’t think I would have ended up on if you weren’t here. I’m glad you took that turning, because I know that I’m heading in the right direction.

 

I may have resented you for a while, yet when that feeling of acceptance took hold, it helped my confidence shine through. And that was life-changing.

 

Things haven’t always been glorious though, have they? I’m not one for putting a filter on my content because I want it to reflect the reality, so this post wouldn’t seem right if I didn’t touch on the ways you’ve tested me.

From struggling with acceptance, feelings of isolation and frustration, to trying to make sense of the cracks that seemed to cast a shadow over your existence, we’ve been through it all. There’s been times when you’ve made me feel worthless, like a burden and inadequate. Whilst we’re being completely open and honest, there have been many moments when I felt like I was pushing against the waves, being pulled further into the water. Despite all of that, somehow we made it through.

The past few years haven’t been easy; my days have been laced with constant pain and discomfort in my left eye. Initially, it was a shock. As time went on, it became my “new normal”. This resulted in some unwanted feelings of upset and frustration bubble up inside me. There’s been more questions than answers, and more bad days than good when it comes to the pain and discomfort. You’ve thrown some curveballs at me that’s for sure. Nevertheless, I’m pleased to say that I can now see hope and positivity in the steps we’re taking to help manage things. We’ve reached a point where everything is manageable now and that’s all I can ask for.

No matter what life throws at us, we face it together and we find a way through.

 

I may not be able to see the world around us, but you help me find my own unique vision, putting everything into perspective. You help me see the world in a different way, and I think that’s rather beautiful.

You’ve taught me some very important life lessons over the years, the biggest one being that you don’t need sight to have vision. That’s something I’ll always remember. It is a constant reminder which fills me with hope whenever I need it.

You are one of the main ingredients of my life, one I wouldn’t change.

 

We’ve been through a lot over the years – from navigating the stages of acceptance, appreciating the skills you have given me, searching for the light, finding the positives, and learning to love you. There’s been pain, upset and frustration, as well as moments of joy and sadness. I’m sure that will continue.

I’ve come to realise the special place you have in my life. It’s something I can’t quite put into words; it goes beyond the parameters of not being able to see.

 

I spent many years fighting for acceptance, searching for answers, and was always trying to find the positives. I never thought we’d reach the point we’re at today, now look at us. We fit together quite nicely.

 

Who knows what you have in store for the future, whatever it is, I’m ready. I know that I won’t have to face it alone. I guess in a way, I’m quite excited to see what you have under your belt – at the time of writing this letter, the future looks bright and full of possibility.

Who knows, I might be writing another letter to you in the future.

Here’s to the joy and happiness you bring into my life. Thank you for enriching my life in ways I never thought possible, and for all the wonderful lessons you have taught me. I don’t know where I’d be without you.

 

Holly x