Reflecting on the feelings I’ve felt towards my vision impairment

Presenting a radio show which has a focus on sight loss, mental health and over all wellbeing often makes me stop and think about my own vision impairment journey. As part of the show I talk to blind and visually impaired people about all aspects of living with a vision impairment. I also share my own experiences on air from time to time.

This recently got me thinking about the array of feelings I’ve felt towards my vision impairment which gave me the inspiration for today’s blog post.

 

I’ve felt a range of feelings and emotions towards my vision impairment over the years. Living in a world that wasn’t exactly designed for us that can’t see has sparked many feelings and emotions.

These feelings have contributed to my vision impairment journey in one way or another, outlining each chapter.

I’m hoping that this post might be a source of comfort to some of you navigating your own sight loss journey.

If you take anything away from this post, I want you to know that your feelings are valid and that you are never alone.

 

Anxiety

There are moments when I’ve felt anxious because of something relating to my vision impairment. Whether it’s hospital appointments, doing something independently for the first time or wondering whether pre-booked passenger assistance will turn up when I arrive at my destination.

It can be scary at times, and we may find ourselves hiding these aspects of our disability because that seems like the easier option. But we shouldn’t have to do that.

It’s okay to admit that aspects of our vision impairment make us anxious. It’s more than okay to admit if you’re struggling or need a bit of support.

Being surrounded by people that just ‘get it’ always makes me feel like I’m not the only one going through whatever it is I might be battling with, and I know that I will never have to face it alone.

Although I’ve come on leaps and bounds when it comes to my vision impairment, I’ll openly admit that I still get anxious at times

 

Confusion

Whether vision impairment is something you’re adapting to and figuring out, or it’s all you’ve ever known, you’ve probably felt baffled at one point or another. But take it from someone who’s been there, we all feel like that at times. You don’t have to know everything, no one expects you to.

For me, confusion surrounding my vision impairment really kicked in during my teenage years.

The older I got, the more aware I became of how it set me apart from my sighted peers, as well as the lack of accessibility and the myriad of attitudes surrounding disability. I was often left feeling confused and conflicted when I’d get treated differently because of my vision impairment or when people didn’t see the importance of accessibility.

Growing up, I didn’t really know anyone like me and didn’t have any connections with other disabled people, something I could have done with during some of the most pivotal moments of my life. I took to social media in the hope of finding some reassurance. This led me to finding the online disabled community which was instrumental in my vision impairment journey. My perspective changed; the confusion gradually started to dissipate and I saw my vision impairment in a new light.

 

Frustration

I rarely get frustrated by my vision impairment itself, but there are certain factors that trigger a feeling of frustration.

The thing that’s at the top of the list is the lack of accessibility. Like so many other disabled people, this is something I face on a regular basis, and it always leaves me feeling frustrated.

I talk a lot about accessibility because I think it’s important to open the conversation. If we don’t speak up and make people aware of the problems we face and the difference that accessibility makes, then change won’t happen.

But the fact is, when something isn’t accessible, I’m left feeling frustrated.

It makes us feel ignored, excluded, angry and forgotten. Frustration is something that I see time and time again when it comes to accessibility. But if the world was accessible, it’s something that could be eliminated.

 

Defiance

When I gained a deeper understanding of disability, I became much more aware of the misconceptions, stigmas and assumptions surrounding vision impairment and disability. This made me determined to defy the misconceptions. It was also one of the reasons I created my blog.

I’ve never been defiant in a bad way or with the intension of doing something wrong, it has always come from a good place, mainly from wanting to highlight the reality of life as a vision impaired person.

I guess you have to be defiant in some cases when it comes to having a disability in order to tackle people’s assumptions, advocate for yourself and others and fight for equal access.

Being defiant gives me the motivation I need when facing the societal barriers because of my disability.

 

Triumph

This post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning all the joy my vision impairment has brought me. There have been some pinch myself moments over the last few years, none of which would have happened if it wasn’t for my vision impairment. Take my blog for example, I wouldn’t have created ‘Life of a Blind Girl’ otherwise. The accolades I’ve been lucky enough to have receive fill me with pride.

Triumph also comes in many other forms. From overcoming my inner battles of using my long cane, finding accessible ways of doing things, to finding my voice when advocating for myself and others. Some of these victories might seem small, but it’s important to celebrate the small wins!

There are many aspects that can make us feel triumphant when you have a vision impairment, so let’s celebrate those moments.

 

Happiness

When I found the beauty of having a vision impairment, everything fit into place.

It helped me flourish and become much more confident in myself, as well as navigating this sighted world. I came to realise that my vision impairment is something to be proud of, and something I should embrace.

This happiness helped me become much more comfortable with having a disability, and also comfortable in myself.

I’m no longer wishing I could be like everyone else, wishing I was different or wondering why my vision impairment was sometimes brushed under the carpet. I’m proud of being blind, and I’ll shout about my disability from the rooftops.

 

Contentment

This brings me nicely to where I am today. I’m content and happy with my life as a person with a vision impairment, I wouldn’t have things any other way. It has given me some incredible opportunities, the chance to be part of an amazing community and it has made me who I am. It shapes my life in many ways, but I don’t see that as a negative. It has made a mark on my life in more ways than I can count, and helped forge my career path. I’m grateful for my vision impairment and the ways in which it is paving my path in life.

There’s no denying that life with a disability can have its challenges at times, but there’s always silver linings. There are always reasons to be positive, we may just have to give ourselves a gentle reminder and look a bit deeper sometimes.

I get frustrated by the lack of accessibility and people’s attitudes, but my vision impairment has well and truly left a mark on my life, and I wouldn’t have things any other way.

Many chapters of my vision impairment journey are yet to come, but whatever is in store I know that I can be proud of the person I am.

 

As you can tell, I’ve felt many feelings and emotions throughout my vision impairment journey so far. Going through a range of emotions has helped me get to where I am today.

It has been tough at times, but I think I needed to experience those difficult feelings to let the happiness and contentment take hold.

 

Unlike my teenage self, I’m no longer fighting to find the positives of my vision impairment, feeling misunderstood or wishing I could love my disability, rather than feeling different to everyone else. That progress over the years has made the world of difference.

 

I’d love to know some of the feelings you’ve felt towards your disability, is it a mix like mine, or has one particular emotion stood out from the rest? If you feel comfortable doing so then let me know in the comments.

 

Holly x